I can tuck mytits in my pants
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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