Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
