why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
