shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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