remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
