How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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