Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
