then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
