I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
