remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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