Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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