shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
