I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
