And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
