Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
