I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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