at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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