I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
