You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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