Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
