Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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