So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
