i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
