We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
