he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
