I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
