I wanna passion pit in your ass
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
