I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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