I should be sponsored by Trojan
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
