Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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