he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
