I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it hurts more in the daytime
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
