There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
