She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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