Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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