Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
