Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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