That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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