Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need moral support for this bender
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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