i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
