We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
