jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
