Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
