Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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