Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
