her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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