HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
