he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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