Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
