Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You pole danced in your parka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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