I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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