He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
