He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
