I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Are we still banned from the library?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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