I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
