I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
