you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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