Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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