I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
