I wanna passion pit in your ass
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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