I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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