Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
