You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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