haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
