Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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