White coat. Heels.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize