We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
