ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
