he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
