Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
