If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
