Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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