i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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