Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
