I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
